Sitting Alone
By Kim Pitman
I was sitting in church and as usual I was sitting alone. People kept saying “Good morning” and then passing me up to sit somewhere else. Sometimes they even gave me a hug but no one sat down next to me. Made me feel a little paranoid. Did I smell? Was my hair crazy? Why didn’t anyone want to sit with me?
I’ve been divorced almost 9 years now. The sting of the divorce has quit hurting and I’ve pretty much adjusted to being a single person. Loneliness however is a constant in my life. I try to remind myself that I’m not alone. Jesus is always there. But as much as I believe that, it’s hard not to feel lonely when you’re sitting alone. Especially in church. Maybe it’s harder in church because my husband and I attended church faithfully every Sunday. Together. I can go to a movie or out to eat alone and yes, I feel alone but not like I do when I’m at church alone.
I know you’re thinking why didn’t you invite someone to join you? Why didn’t you get up and move? I’m sure part of it is stubbornness. I was here first they should join me. But I believe that mostly it’s the fact that rejected as I was by my husband I want someone to choose to sit with me. I don’t want to chase them down and invite them to sit with me. I want them to ask me if it’s okay if they sit with me. Could be pride. Could be. But I believe that it’s just a desire on my part to be chosen by someone.
I remind myself constantly. Jesus chose me. Even if I had been the only person on this earth, God would have still sent His Son to hang on the cross in punishment for my sin. He chose you too. He sent His Son who then sent the Comforter to dwell with us and in us. Someone to keep us company when there wasn’t anybody else to do that. But I’m human. I need that human touch. I need the nearness of other humans. Don’t you?
May I suggest something to all of you? If you see someone sitting alone, especially in church, ask if you can join him or her. Ask how they are doing. If you’re family is going out to lunch invite them to join you. And if you are single, as I am, you need to do the same thing. You can pray for me. I’m working on it. I’m trying to set aside my pride and stubbornness and be the one to reach out. I still wish someone would choose me. But maybe as I begin to reach out someone will beat me to it and reach toward me first.
Copyright © August 2, 2006 – Kim Pitman. All rights reserved.
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